| Started By | Comment | ||
|---|---|---|---|
 JayCee |
|||
|
Posts: 180 (02/07/2008 22:28:35) |
Sandra, I really feel for you and can empathise. My mum has Alzheimers and lives with me. Although she is not aggressive at the moment, I can see her getting
worse all the time, and I fear that one day I'm going to have to make the same decision as you.
Jan x |
||
|
TRISHM71 |
|||
|
Posts: 2964 (02/07/2008 22:29:42) |
Sandra, this is your time now, you have done everything and more that a daughter could do but with all the will in the world you cannot give your Mum the care
that she so obviously needs 24 hours a day. You can still visit your Mum, because she isn't with you it dosen't mean that you care any less for her. I
do know the guilt that you will feel when your Mum has to go into a Nursing Home because this happened to me a few years ago, it takes a while to come to terms
with it but in time you will. Don't feel guily Sandra, no daughter could have done more
Trish x |
||
|
pixiehouse |
|||
|
Posts: 2829 (02/07/2008 22:37:51) |
Sandra dont ever feel bad,you have been amazing the way you have looked after your mum
I worked as a care assistant with people who had Alzeimers and believe me yes it is hard work Many a day i came home black n blue.i put up with that because i loved my job so NEVER feel bad,be happy because you have done such a wonderful thing for your mum Now go off on your holidays,relax enjoy and give yourself a big pat on the back sweetheart Love n hugs Wendy xxx |
||
|
Lavender |
|||
|
Posts: 10216 (02/07/2008 22:45:38) |
Oh Sandra, no one could think badly of you. You've done so, so much, but now it's time for you. I hope that your back eases very soon and I'm so
sorry for all that you have to face, but try and remember what we all see, and that is what an amazing lady you are who has done, and is doing, the very best
thing for all concerned.
Love and hugs, Lavender XX |
||
 suzanne |
|||
|
Posts: 10674 (02/07/2008 22:49:42) |
You do an amazing job and should in no way feel bad about your decision - it`s going to feel hard on your but that`s only because you care so much - so you
take care and remember there are always lots of people to talk too should you need it
Suzanne |
||
|
sapphire |
|||
|
Posts: 237 (02/07/2008 22:58:10) |
No way is anyone going to think anything bad about you. I know from first hand experience what it is like to be in this situation, and sympathise with you
wholeheartedly. You must now think of yourself. If you continue the way you have been, it is likely that one of you would be seriously hurt during mums
bathtime. I know all about that as well !! You will be surprised how well your mum will settle, and then you will have the peace of mind that you have made the
correct decision. Until then keep your chin up, we are right there with you. Take good care. S. xx
|
||
|
cmegan |
|||
|
Posts: 1034 (02/07/2008 22:59:13) |
Sandra, I can't really add anything that the others haven't said. Except you must start thinking
of yourself and your husband , you two also have a life, you have done your best more than a lot of people would or could do, and I admire you. Love Jen |
||
|
janetannc |
|||
|
Posts: 1728 (02/07/2008 23:07:26) |
Having been in a similar situation and some years ago, and also having nursed many people like your mum, I think you are wonderful to have coped so long and
anyone who has been there would NEVER think badly of you - you are a real hero.
Unfortunately, the mum you knew and loved has passed away and the shell that remains is a cruel stranger. I have always thought that there are worse things in life than death, and your story confirms this. I do hope you have been able to make the arrangements you so badly need and can now concentrate on your dad. Take care of you and when you can, give yourself a treat of some sort -you so deserve it! Huge hugs Janet |
||
|
nikki in hull |
|||
|
Posts: 3015 (02/07/2008 23:13:11) |
i dont think that you need to feel bad,
sometimes you have to be realistic to think of oneself does not have to be selfish but selfless, being able to give 100% for 50% of the time i think is better than 50% for 100% of the time, i think whatever situation we are in (including everyday 'normal' life) it is important that me time is taken, |
||
|
countrywoman |
|||
|
Posts: 2767 (02/07/2008 23:30:45) |
Sandra, I'm sure you know that there's another dimension to caring for your mum other than the actual physical, day to day care. There comes a time
when this is best delivered by professional carers, which means that you can become the daughter again. I know your mum has dementia but even so, it is
important to resume your role, mainly for yourself of course, but it is all about dignity for all concerned.
It sounds like you have been an absolute star in caring for her, so do not beat yourself up about taking this next step. You will be able to visit her often and keep a gentle eye on her care, without the exhaustion and risks involved in single-handed physical care. I hope you soon find a really good care home for her. Judy C |
||
|
Beas Nanny |
|||
|
Posts: 6193 (02/07/2008 23:50:07) |
I can't add anything that others haven't said either. There comes a time when decisions have to be made, for your own sake and for your parents.
As others have said you have been a star caring for your Mum for so long, and you have my admiration. Mags x |
||
|
ymarrow |
|||
|
Posts: 238 (02/07/2008 23:55:43) |
It's all been said and I agree whole heartily and just hope and pray that you will find a caring place for your dear mum that will
give you peace of mind. You are an exceptionally loving daughter. Yvonne x |
||
|
lindah11 |
|||
|
Posts: 2555 (03/07/2008 00:03:27) |
you have tried and you no longer can cope .well ive seen what this can do to a person and you have done the right thing for you all
its a terrible illness for all to suffer and cope with .... hope you can see its for the best love linda xxxx |
||
|
Maccasmum |
|||
|
Posts: 1564 (03/07/2008 00:30:01) |
Sandra, it has all been said by eveyone else, you have done your best and more for your Mum. As I said the other day - one or both of you could eventually be
badly injured.
Nobody could reproach you for seeking permanent care for Mum now, you need to have a life of your own. You will feel sad, it is a very sad time, but you will be able to spend time with your Mum without the stress of caring for her 24/7. You have my admiration for all you have done for so long Sandra, I will keep you in my prayers and send lots of hugs. Try to have a good rest and enjoy your holiday with your husband - you both deserve it With love Kate x |
||
|
sue09 |
|||
|
Posts: 3162 (03/07/2008 06:11:24) |
No one would ever think bad of you,both you and your hubby have done a lot more than most would have done.Your parents I,m sure would be very proud of you if
they could understand,Lots of hugs to you all and I pray things get easier for you,love sue xxxxx
|
||
|
yasmina4 |
|||
|
Posts: 544 (03/07/2008 06:22:31) |
My dear girl, no one could think badly of you. You and your Mum have had enough! Just check out the offered residential homes thoroughly and you will have
piece of mind. You will be able to concentrate on your Dad who really needs you now. Warm hugs to help you through a very difficult time.
Love Sandra |
||
|
Carolynleah |
|||
|
Posts: 1735 (03/07/2008 06:46:13) |
My heart goes out to you - I used to work with people with dementia so I know how very changeable and difficult they can become - you have made the right
decision - a big hug for you, Carolynx
|
||
|
MaryNichol60 |
|||
|
Posts: 1349 (03/07/2008 06:49:37) |
No one could possibly think badly of you, Sandra. You have done so much already and the situation couldn't go on as it was, so try not to be too hard on
yourself.
Lots of hugs Mary x |
||
|
Sandra Carms |
|||
|
Posts: 2107 (03/07/2008 08:01:33) |
Sandra, please don't feel bad. I know how you feel as I have the same problems with my Mum. Won't go into any details but she is 87, deaf, very poor
mobility and has dementia. A few months ago we asked that her name be put down for a Nursing Home 5 miles from us and have lately been told that she is next
on the list but this could be months and months away.
Enjoy your few days respite. Take care Sandra xx |
||
|
Ann |
|||
|
Posts: 1363 (03/07/2008 08:12:09) |
Don't feel sad Sandra I had to make the same decission last year after my mum had a stroke she needed 24hr a day care and mum's doctor had said to me
no way could I look after her and now mum couldn't be happier she loves her new home so please DON'T feel guilty I know its a very hard decission to
make but its for the best.
Take care, Ann. |
||
