As everyone else has said don't feel bad, you have done everything possible for your mum, but there comes a time when you have to put yourself first. My
dad had to do the same for his mum years ago and felt very guilty but his own doctor told him not to be as he had done everything he could possibly do. Sending
you my best wishes. Kim
0 Kudo
Iam really sad, but I have had to give in ........
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 craftykim |
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Posts: 1726 (03/07/2008 08:28:47) |
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Ali G is in the house |
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Posts: 1345 (03/07/2008 09:00:20) |
Nobody could feel bad of you ,you have done an amazing job and you know you have no choice.
hope things settle with your Dad and it wont be too long till you feel the benefit. Take Care, Ali x |
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frances |
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Posts: 3517 (03/07/2008 09:04:20) |
My best wishes.
Fran.x |
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craftyann |
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Posts: 4326 (03/07/2008 09:04:48) |
None of us could think badly of you Sandra - you have done an amazing job looking after your Mum but with a condition such as Altzheimers there comes a point
when you simply can't cope alone anymore. You have done the best thing here for all of you.
Ann x |
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sheran stone |
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Posts: 1425 (03/07/2008 09:10:33) |
Don't feel too bad Sandra, I understand what a hard decision this was, you have been a wonderful caring daughter, but you have your own life to live.
Sheran x |
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chrissiefish |
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Posts: 2029 (03/07/2008 09:23:24) |
Hi Sandra, you are a wonderful daughter to your parents and I am sure you will continue to be no matter where either of them are. I have worked with people
classified as EMI and know that you have to recognise, that there comes a time when it's best for all concerned to ask for help. Please don't feel bad.
I do know what you are going through (my Gran had dementia and went into a home). There are very good residential homes out there, where the staff really care.
Please take care and just for once put yourself first. Sending you lots of hugs. Chrissie x
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Tina |
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Posts: 29908 (03/07/2008 09:31:57) Administrator |
Sweetheart, please don't feel guilty and sad. I have sent you a pm and added you to the hug thread. Could people show your support by adding the hugs and
wishes there.
Thank you |
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gregruscul |
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Posts: 56 (03/07/2008 10:29:51) |
My granddad had this horrible illness and my poor nan wore herself away looking after him much longer than she should have. Unfortunately, the strain was too
much and he also was taken into care when her own health failed. In the end we lost both my nan and gramp, and I really feel that if he'd gone into proper
care earlier that my nan would still be with us. My mum worked in a care home and it was a really wonderful place, so I'm sure your mum will be well cared
for wherever she is. It's a horrible decision you have had to make, but I really think it is the best thing for all of you and I hope that my family would
care for me in the way that you are caring for yours.
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HazelR147 |
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Posts: 867 (03/07/2008 10:34:47) |
As said before it is a devastating illness for those who have it but can be even harder on the family. Our thoughts are with you and believe me you are doing
the right thing as your heath would suffer too and then nobody would be getting anywhere. Take care and we are all here for you at any time you need us.
Hazel |
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millie sue |
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Posts: 611 (03/07/2008 10:35:01) |
Sandra, I think you have done the best thing for everyone and I am glad that you have found the strength and the courage to reach this most difficult of
decisions. You have done more than your best, been a wonderful daughter but I think the time is now right for you to organise residential care for your mum. I
think you are putting everyone first here, you will find your mum a nice place to live where she will get good care and attention and you will be able to get a
bit of your life back. I don't see how anyone could even begin to think bad of you - so please don't worry about that. I think caring is the most
difficult job in the world and I take my hat off to you for managing in such difficult and sad circumstances for such a long time. Hugs to you and all the very
best xx
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DipDooLally |
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Posts: 399 (03/07/2008 10:48:55) |
Mum went through a similar torture trying to decide what to do when grandma got to the point where she needed constant care, she'd lived with my mum for a
while but by then she was confined to bed. Mum was still working then and considered leaving to be a full time carer.
Luckily we found a lovely place locally which was quite small and really looked after grandma. Mum managed to pop in before work and stay for a few hours after work then spend big chunks of the weekend there too instead of constantly changing sheets, washing etc which would have left her no time to actually spend with grandma. Mum knew she'd done the right thing although she still feels guilty about it bless her but she's already spoken to me about what to do if we are in the same position as she doesn't want me to feel bad about it. Sending you big hugs x |
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qatar calling |
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Posts: 7903 (03/07/2008 10:59:04) |
Bless you Sandra - I know how hard you have worked to manage your life around taking care of your parents, but in the end, your parents are not the only people
to consider here - your own needs, along with those of your husband and wider family must be taken into consideration.
When your mother is receiving full time care, you will be able to visit her as a daughter and hopefully enjoy those times instead of being her carer. At the moment, your relationship with her is further diluted from needing to take charge of, and manage everything that comes along. I wish you peace and love Donna X |
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May |
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Posts: 1804 (03/07/2008 11:00:18) |
Dear Sandra I don't thank you need to feel bad you have been wonderful to have both your parents with you look after yourself God Bless Love May
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LynP |
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Posts: 1333 (03/07/2008 11:06:30) |
As others have said please don't think that any of us will think badly of you. You have done an amazing job looking after your parents so please
don't feel guilty about coming to this decision. Please take care and look after yourself. I hope your Dads forthcoming operation goes well. Take care.
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chris jw |
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Posts: 2943 (03/07/2008 12:04:16) |
as others have said dont feel guilty, you have done the right thing, and you can look forward to happier times when you and your hubby can get your quality of
life back with each other and visit your mom and spend happier quality time with her too,
My MIL has been in a home for 18 months now and she is settled ,happy and we visit her regularly, my hubby is even growing beans, tomatoes,and strawberrys for them outside in the garden at the home so they can watch them grow , we are all more relaxed now instead of living in stress with the 30/40 phone calls she used to make to us all through the day and night every day, the constant worry wondering if she was ok, It put such a strain on our marriage and my hubby has been on anti depressants for 15 yrs, but he is a lot better now knowing she is settled and is being looked after, Im sure you have happy times to come with your mom, so dont feel guilty , thinking of you all and i hope your dads op goes well chris xxx |
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Helen S |
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Posts: 163 (03/07/2008 12:22:05) |
Sandra, you've more than done your bit & now it's time to let the proffesionals take over. It's not as though you've off loaded her
straight away. It sounds as though you've done a lot more than I would probably have coped with. If your Mum was able to think straight I'm she would
give you a big hug & thank you for all your hard work but tell you that it's time to let go of the hard work.
No doubt you'll visit her often & you'll have so much more energy & patience which will enable you to remain calm & loving throughout instead of getting worked up over her behaviour. I watched a programme on TV about this very subject the other week & all I can say is that I have the upmost respect for anyone dealing with a loved one with Alzheimers. It must be such a thankless task, especially when they no longer know who you are & are so violent. Be at peace with yourself - you have no need to feel any guilt. Be proud instead that you have managed so long. Helen S x |
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EuniceM |
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Posts: 4432 (03/07/2008 12:27:37) |
Oh Sandra you have bought tears to my eyes, how could anyone ever ever think bad of you.
You and your O/H have been Angels and done all you possibley could for your Mum. But now the time has come and your health and sanity must come first. I do know what a difficult decision it is we had to put my beloved Dad in a home because he kept going out in the middle of the night looking for work he said to pay his rent. Lucky us he was never aggressive or violent just Dad loving and a lot confused. Don't beat yourselves up you deserve a life your Mum bless her will be well cared for and won't even realise where she is.
Last Edited By: EuniceM
03/07/2008 12:34:48.
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Birgy |
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Posts: 349 (03/07/2008 12:59:17) |
Sandra, I think you must be an angel in disguise, I could never ever have looked after any of my parents in my home. I admire you greatly for what you have
done so far. Birgy
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craftymims |
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Posts: 1783 (03/07/2008 13:06:03) |
Sandra - think that we are all with you - know that it is a very hard decision to make but you know in your heart of hearts you know it has beent he right one.
Don't beat yourself up you have already put up with more than anyone could expect you to.
Will keep you in our thoughts Hugs Marion W |
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lynnne |
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Posts: 227 (03/07/2008 13:15:07) |
oh sandra please dont feel bad, i think you are one very brave lady,
lynne |
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