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Debate - At what age

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Twinplums	Debate - At what age	Lead	[-]
Posts: 2077 (05/07/2008 22:39:45) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Tags : None What age do you think Children should be allowed to travel alone on buses? My OH has children from a previous marriage and his ex does little to help him to see his daughter. She is 13 and lives 20 miles away. Her mother will not bring her over as she says that she cannot afford the petrol. She used to come over on a Friday evening, but my OH now works Friday evenings and cannot collect her. There is a local bus that goes from her town to ours but her mother will not let her on it - we have even offered to pay the bus fare. I admit that Hannah does look old for her age and her mother is worried that men look at her, but if she is put on the bus, and I have said I will meet her off the bus - where is the problem. During the school holidays Hannah is left at home all day on her own where she goes out and roams around the town with her mates and her mother thinks that that is acceptable. What is your view on this - is she too young to travel alone in daylight on public transport with an escort at either end? Thanks Sarah xxx
Tina		#1	[-]
Posts: 29908 (05/07/2008 22:51:34) Administrator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thats a tough one in this day and age. I know my son travelled to Romford on a bus at that age with his friends which is not that far but by age 14 he was going to Cornwall with friends too. She is at secondary school and at that age, many get buses into town with their friends or to meet friends as Hannah does, so I think as you say she would be escorted either end, I can't see a problem.
jusnoneed		#2	[-]
Posts: 632 (05/07/2008 22:53:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Difficult one. Not having a daughter, but I have 14 year old Granddaughter and must admit I would worry about her travelling alone. The chances are that nothing would happen but I would never forgive myself if something went wrong. No one has any control over who will be getting on the bus on the way. Is there any way she could have a friend travel with her? Being in town with her friends is a different thing, she has people she knows and trusts with her. Hope you manage to find some solution.
sparkie70		#3	[-]
Posts: 137 (05/07/2008 22:54:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	As Tina says, I can't see a problem either Liza
oldtrout		#4	[-]
Posts: 8870 (05/07/2008 22:56:15) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	It's a hard one and I've never had to deal with that sort of problem as I have to transport my daughter almost everywhere but I think that if she is being put onto the bus at one end and there will definately be someone meeting her at the other end then I don't see the harm. Trouty x (Jean)
CarolPG		#5	[-]
Posts: 5662 (05/07/2008 23:05:58) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	No problem that I can see either if it's daytime and she is put on the bus one end and met from it the other. Yes men may look at her but they can do that when she is roaming around the town if they are going to. They are hardly likely to do anything on a bus with other people and a driver there. C xx
nikki in hull		#6	[-]
Posts: 3036 (05/07/2008 23:26:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Natasha at 11 goes to her primary school on bus, fair enough it is only a 5 minute ride, she has also gotten the bus to town and been met at the station, she also goes on her bike to and from school and up to my dads, to do these you have to use busy roads, she has been to the post office with my bank card to post some parcels and also done some shopping i think the question depends on the common sense of the child providing that is age appropriate i wouldnt see it as a problem at 14/15 i travelled from Hull to Stoke-on-Trent by National Express (yes it was more than a few years ago)
janetannc		#7	[-]
Posts: 1753 (05/07/2008 23:34:26) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Don't see a problem either. Get her to sit near the driver if you are worried. It is a paradox isn't it. Children grow up so fast these days - talking about teaching sex to 4 year olds in todays paper- yet a teenager is not considered safe on a bus trip. I started travelling to school alone at the age of 9. It was a 2 mile bus ride, then half an hour on the train, then a 3/4 mile walk to school. I joined up with friends on the train most days, but if I stayed later for any reason, often travelled home alone. As I often spent the fare on sweets, I walked home from the station. Also went into Sydney by train from time to time from about the same age, to see a specialist at a hospital there. As my mother worked she couldn't take me and my father was rarely around. In the 50's it wasn't unusual and we never felt unsafe. I'm not a parent and tend to think children are wrapped in cotton wool too much - but I guess if I was a parent or grandparent I'd feel differently. Janet PS Are you able to afford a taxi if her mother is intransigent?
Beas Nanny		#8	[-]
Posts: 6257 (05/07/2008 23:48:37) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Well I would have thought she would be old enough at 13. There is an answer in that she puts the child on the bus with an agreed password between you, her, and the child which is given to the driver if necessary when she puts daughter on the bus near the driver and tells him the destination she is to get off and she says tells him that person meeting her will give the password. The other alternative of course would be for you to catch bus and collect he and bring her back. I believe children in our area get special reduced or free passes through the council to encourage them to use buses - Dawnywol would know more, but I know that although Ikklewol walks to school she does have a bus pass for use on ordinary buses. Mags
Robertson 111		#9	[-]
Posts: 6576 (06/07/2008 00:20:52) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Sarah, I don't have kids and maybe if I did I'd think differently, my sisters always used to say if I did have kids they would have been mollycoddled and tied to my apron strings, so I'm afraid I'd be more likely to say no, she shouldn't travel alone. I hope you find a solution thats acceptable to all concerned. Dee x
Suzi Q		#10	[-]
Posts: 6341 (06/07/2008 01:06:10) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Sarah, I would have thought under the conditions you state, that she would be safe, put on by her mother at one end and you collecting her at the other. The cynic in me says, is the mother just making excuses as an obstacle to her father seeing her? Maybe I am wrong, but I have seen this kind of behaviour before. My niece tries everything she can to stop her daughter seeing her dad whom she adores, this is why she does it, I think she is bang out of order. Hope you can find a solution soon. Sue
Carolynleah		#11	[-]
Posts: 1770 (06/07/2008 07:10:56) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	As I have sons I might be looking at it a bit differently from the mother of daughters, but at that age I would allow my children to catch the bus - children do have to grow up, and we need to let them, even if it is hard sometimes. As others have said, if she sits near the driver, is put on the bus by her mum and met by you - I can't see a problem. I would be more worried about leaving her home all day in the holidays to be honest!
sue09		#12	[-]
Posts: 3167 (06/07/2008 07:23:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I know we live in a difficult world,but I do think our poor children are not given the freedom we had surely with the situation you describe she would be safe.Iwould say this is just obstruction on the mothers part,been there done it and worn the t/shirt with my grandchildren and my s-i-law,,hope you get it sorted soon ,,love sue xxxx
sheran stone		#13	[-]
Posts: 1425 (06/07/2008 07:31:15) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I would not allow my 13 year old travel that far on a bus alone. In fact I don't think she has ever been on a bus alone, she has been to the local shopping mall with her friends, but this is only a ten minute bus ride. This is just my opinion and both my daughters tell me I am overprotective and worry too much... I am forever texting them to see if they are OK. Sheran x
Summer Jasmin		#14	[-]
Posts: 1032 (06/07/2008 08:28:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Suzi Q wrote: Sarah, I would have thought under the conditions you state, that she would be safe, put on by her mother at one end and you collecting her at the other. The cynic in me says, is the mother just making excuses as an obstacle to her father seeing her? Maybe I am wrong, but I have seen this kind of behaviour before. My niece tries everything she can to stop her daughter seeing her dad whom she adores, this is why she does it, I think she is bang out of order. Hope you can find a solution soon. Sue I have to say that on reading this thread the same thought went through my mind! I do hope you manage to find a solution.
melchache		#15	[-]
Posts: 3888 (06/07/2008 09:07:32) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	my granddaughter is at the grammar school,and she has to travel by bus.sometimes the bus doesnt turn up ,so she has to use the train which is a fair distance from the school.i really worry about her walking from the station to school.she is fifteen but i do worry still
Twinplums		#16	[-]
Posts: 2077 (06/07/2008 09:09:45) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thank you all for your opinions. They are pretty much the same as mine - the general opinion is that she is old enough to travel with being put on the bus and taken off the other end. I did forget to say that she does catch the bus to school. every day and infact has to change buses in the bus station in the centre of town. That is accetpable to her mother as she works full time and cannot do a school drop. The mother is not obstructive in OH seeing his daughter - as long as it doesn't inconvenience her, if it does then it is a no go. Before his daughter was old enough to be left alone in the evenings (ie - she needed a babysitter) she was quite happy to bring her over - now it is not a necessity for the mother as the daughter doesn't get babysitters. The most frustraiting thing is that she gets £450 a month to look after her - surely some of that could go towards petrol. I do not think that this will be resolved until the mother wants to go away for the weekend. She will have to either bring her over or put her on the bus in order to get her here for the friday night. Sarah xxx
chrissiefish		#17	[-]
Posts: 2029 (06/07/2008 09:46:13) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	My sons travelled to school by train from about the age of 12. Admittedly there were lots of them and and we took them to the station and picked them up afterwards. It was also 20 years ago. I would have thought that at 13 she is old enough to travel and be met at the other end. What you are suggesting to me sounds good. We have to start somewhere, giving them trust and a little independence. She has probably already picked up some street awareness by going out with her friends. Chrissie x
qatar calling		#18	[-]
Posts: 7903 (06/07/2008 10:24:24) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Well, first of all, I would suggest that since it's only 1 bus, that she should be allowed to use it on the condition that she sits close to the driver. 2nd - why is she allowed to take 2 buses to school, but not 1 to visit with her father. 3rd - why doesn't she need a babysitter at 13? Sorry, but Mother is being obstructive - she can't have it all her own way - left alone to wander through school holidays, but not allowed on public transport to visit her father. Contradictions galore here. Not only that but she should pay the bus fare out of the money provided to support her daughter. Methinks a carefully worded letter is in order. Sorry if I'm talking out of turn, but it seems very clear to me, being a stepmother myself. Donna X
Millie moppet		#19	[-]
Posts: 114 (06/07/2008 10:44:58) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	This really is a complicated issue,I also think the mother is just being awkward in this instance. I have sons and daughters and agonized over all of them when they first started to go out alone even though it was some time ago.The safety of busses cannot be taken for granted though as when my youngest son was aged about 14,he and his friend were mugged on a crowded bus,at knifepoint and no one helped at all.Maybe this son of mine is unlucky,he is the nicest guy you could meet,never given us a minutes trouble yet he has been mugged twice,attacked twice(physically) and he is the one who had his birthday present stolen in the post.Maybe I should just keep him indoors,but at 29 it isn't easy. Betty
Cdteach		#20	[-]
Posts: 1836 (06/07/2008 10:57:03) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm of the opinion that the girl is old enough and the mother is being difficult. If she can leave a child all day in the holidays and allow her to go to town with friends the girl is obviously capable of travelling to you particularly as she can change buses to get to school. You are right when you say part of the money she gets could go towards the petrol - after all that money is for looking after the child and her needs not to subsidise the mothers living costs. Jan

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