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hi Sandra

Please don't feel bad, my sister recently had to put our mum in to residential care, for respite initially,she is 89yrs old and had a stroke 3 years ago, not parallising, but confusing one, both sis + I took it in turns to sleep at her's to look after her for 4 months, then my sister moved in with her, I still had her to my house once a week, to give her a change and to give sis a break, none of our other siblings offered help, well over the last nine months, she has dramatically deteriorated, she doesn't know where she is quite often and gets quite aggressive, when we tell her she is at home. She has very little sight now and is also now incontinent, which doesn't help, and there is a risk she might fall.
My sister could not have done more for mum, getting her everything that could make her life better, and as comfortable as possible, taking her out etc, working herself, and a husband and son to look after, but unfortunately the strain has taken it's toll on my sister, who now has got depression and is beating herself up, because mum is in care, ( I unfortunately haven't got the room, to have her with me) but the home she is in is lovely and clean, as is her room, the staff are very caring, the other residents have had nothing but praise for the staff from the beginning.
I have come to realise and I have said this to my sister,that mum is welled looked after 24/7, she is well cared for, well fed, she is kept clean, there is always members of staff that have some medical training, and don't hesitate to bring in doctors when needed, and importantly she has company her own age all day if she wishes to have it, which is giving her more stimulation than being on her own all day at home, she still has visits from family, in fact more go to visit her now, this may well have to be made permanent, she has to have an assessment done, in the next week or two.
So you shouldn't beat yourself up about it either, like my sister, you have done your best for her, and I'm sure you still will, she just needs to know she still has your support and that she's still loved and valued by you.
Love and cuddles to you, and remember there are a lot of people know how you are feeling right now

calla girl