By the time I got married I had no parents but even had she still been alive my mum couldn't have afforded a big fancy wedding.  I bought the fabric for my own and my bridesmaids dresses; a friend made my dress and another friend who was also mother of one of the bridesmaids made up the dresses for the two smaller bridesmaids and the older one made her own.  We got married on Easter Saturday on the suggestion of the minister's wife, because, as she said, the church would be decorated with flowers for Easter which would save us some money, I bought the other flowers and we hired a car to take the bridesmaids and then me to the church.  As we were having the reception in the church hall the people we hired the car from were a bit perplexed that they were not taking us to the reception so when they discovered that we were going to the Castle for our photographs they offered to take us there and back - I remember that whole package cost us £30!  Some very close friends paid for our reception as our wedding present, they asked the church catering team to do it and then told us we could have 100 guests!! I was very surprised at that.  My husband's godfather made and decorated our cake  and a friend from church took the wonderful photographs.  
It was all done on a shoestring but because so much of it was done by friends it made it very intimate and very special.  
I don't know whether I would pay to attend a wedding - it seems a bit like buying your place, rather than being there because you are someone the bride and groom really want to be there to celebrate with them.  I certainly couldn't afford £500.  I think if I knew that the couple were getting married because it was something they really wanted to do I would make a voluntary contribution to help them out but I don't think I would be happy to be asked to.  

As for gift lists, it is a good idea to have one ready for those who ask for one but I wouldn't dream of sending it out with the invitations.  When I was getting married my aunt asked for my wedding list when she heard we were getting married, but a little later I couldn't remember if she had asked or not, and as I said when she told me off for not sending her one "I couldn't really ring up and ask if you had asked for it or not could I?"  She understood the predicament.

Dawn