when Ma died i decided against some of the family's wishes to have a Minister take the service, Ma wasn't particularly religious, but she did 'believe' so that the service was about her and not about one on religion with the odd reference to Ma thrown in, i asked for the undertakers advice and he was very reassuring about my decision and recommended a particular Minister. i rang him and made arrangements for him to come to my house and listen to us talk about Ma so he got a good rounded view of her. i'd invited my Aunts so they could fill in the bits i wasn't around for, so that Ma's whole life was celebrated, he was here for hours and we all had some input and it might be odd to say it, we all had a good laugh and Luke was very encouraging when i gave him the poem i'd written about Ma & me, and he read it out for everyone to hear, the tears flowed and my Aunts realised i'd made the right choice in wanting the service to be about My Mum.

the poem was read out at the funeral amid sobs and my cousin gasping for breath cos she was so over-awed by the personal nature of the service.

it was my way of showing her my respect.

your SIL must have had her reasons Carol, i'm sure it was meant to save ppl the grief of the whole day.
you can possibly say your goodbyes at a site of thier choosing if Ashes are to be scattered.

was your SIL a very thrifty person? i only ask cos i know how much it costs to rent that little chapel for a 15 minute service! roughly the same as a house for a month. and that is just the service in the crem, the actual deed cost's more on top. it's a lot of money to find in sudden circumstances. not meaning any disrespect by adding this, just an opinion of a possible reason.

big hugs,
chell
x