I've already left instructions that I don't want a funeral or anyone there when I am cremated. I also don't want any sort of memeorial 'service'. It isn't lack of religion - it's just that I detest going to funerals, as do most people, and I don't want my friends (any left, that is -most live too far away or are too decrepit already to go to a funeral) saying they had better go along, but not wanting to.
I have no close relatives in this country and do not want my money lining the pockets of a funeral director. Any friends left can raise a glass of their favourite tipple and think of me on the day I'm roasted, if they want to. I've also requested a cardboard coffin and no flowers or trimmings.
Maybe your SIL feels the same? Janet